Reggaeton Reported to Be Used by CIA in Enhanced Interrogation Program

The Central Intelligence Agency has confirmed that reggaeton has replaced heavy metal as the primary musical genre used in what the agency calls “auditory persuasion techniques.” The revelation was buried in a declassified report released late Friday — the US government’s preferred time slot for things it hopes nobody reads.

The military’s use of music in interrogations is well documented. At Guantanamo Bay, detainees were blasted with Metallica and AC/DC for hours on end. But heavy metal had become “operationally ineffective” — subjects developed “a genuine appreciation for thrash metal,” with one detainee reportedly requesting Master of Puppets by name.

The switch to reggaeton began as a pilot program in 2024. A single 45-minute loop of Gasolina by Daddy Yankee produced “full cognitive surrender” in 92% of test subjects. A field operative stated: “With metal, they’d headbang. They’d adapt. But nobody can withstand hour six of the same dembow beat.”

The agency tested over 300 tracks. Dákiti by Bad Bunny ranked surprisingly low, as subjects reportedly “vibed out” instead of cooperating. The most effective track remains classified.

Colombia’s government said: “We gave the world Shakira and J Balvin, and this is what you do with our cultural exports?” Puerto Rico’s governor simply responded: “You’re welcome.” One major reggaeton artist, speaking anonymously, added: “On one hand, it’s horrifying. On the other hand, those are incredible streaming numbers.”